i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
