he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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