Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
