I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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