woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
