dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
