Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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