You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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