mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
