ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This baby is an asshole
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
