Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i now understand why vodka
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize