my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
