ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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