we have officially lost it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's the barista slut.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
