You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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