Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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