So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
