Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
