On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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