I looked at my own cervix.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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