She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
