piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
