Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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