I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
