So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just cropdusted the office
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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