My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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