I accidentally burped into my bong.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
