Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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