JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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