so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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