So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
