You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
