how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
