Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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