First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
