two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
