dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
