I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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