Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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