He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
