dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
