i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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