Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
