I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
