This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
