halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
FUCK WHALES
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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