I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
