just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
