i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
