Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
