"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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