Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
