I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
