My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
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