i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
