I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
