My hair reeks of homosexuality.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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