i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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