I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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