i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
