I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
