the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
