why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
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Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
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She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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