We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
