oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
