i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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