I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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