I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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