Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
