and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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