even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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