Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
