question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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