Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
