just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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