she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
