Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
